Am I A Lesbian: How Can I Be Sure?

Question: I think I might be lesbian but how can I be sure?
Am I a lesbian? How can I be sure? Maybe I’m bisexual or bi-curious.Answer: There seems to be this rush to put ourselves and others in boxes and categories.  To some extent this serves a practical purpose but sometimes, when we try to categorize ourselves, it creates internal conflict.  This is largely based on how we think we’re perceived by others.

Ok, so you’re looking for an answer to the question.  Well, you’ll know when you know.  It might take awhile to sort through your feelings and that’s just fine.  Many people live part of their life as heterosexual and then find that their sexual orientation has shifted.  It’s all quite normal.

Many lesbians knew from early childhood that they were attracted to women — sometimes exclusively to women.  Most of them repressed those feelings and felt different, maybe isolated.  They learned not to share their crushes on friends of the same sex.  For many this was oppressive and harmful.  It may have taken them quite some time to come to terms with the fact that they were in fact lesbian.

If you find yourself attracted to women, fantasizing about them, and men are repulsive (in a sexual way) then you are probably a lesbian. If an attractive woman gives you the butterflies in the stomach feeling and leaves you weak in the knees but men do absolutely nothing for you, then my dear, you don’t need me to tell you that you’re a lesbian.

It is a myth that lesbians hate men.  Some probably do but most don’t.  Everybody is a little different, but I dare say that many lesbians find men attractive.  It’s just that they may not find them sexually attractive or they may just not be inclined to be sexually active with men.  I know several lesbians who enjoy looking at naked men.  I know of lesbians who have had an occasional tryst with a man.  It’s not unheard of.

Other women seem inherently bisexual in nature.  They may find women or men equally attractive, or they may find one sex more appealing than the other.  There are no rules here.  For some the realization of their bisexuality came gradually, and at any point in life.  Some realize and explore their bisexual feelings early on while others wait until adulthood or even their senior years to give into their bisexual urges.

Figuring out your sexuality can be confusing and scary.  Only you can determine if you’re lesbian, bisexual or heterosexual and anything you decide is up to you.  It’s also ok to just be bi-curious and explore the possibilities.

If you’re questioning your sexual orientation I suggest that you can safely explore your feelings in forums such as  Chat with women who understand.  Ask questions and participate in the forums.  Take your time and enjoy the experience.  When the time is right, you’ll come to terms with your sexual orientation.


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