How to Meet Lesbians
A common question we hear is “how do I meet lesbian women” or “how do I meet bisexual women.” Here is a comprehensive answer to that question:
How do I meet lesbians and bisexual women? Lesbian and bisexual women make up perhaps 10% of the female population so it isn’t always easy to find other women who can relate to you. There are actually many ways to meet and socialize with lesbian and bisexual women. Some are kind of common sense obvious ways and others are more obscure. You never know when or where you’re going to meet Ms. Right (or Ms. Right Now) so I recommend that you try a combination of any of these methods, that you’re comfortable with, to increase your odds of success. Remember that anything worth having is probably going to take a little effort on your part so hang in there and give yourself a chance.
Nightclubs: There are many Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender (LGBT) nightclubs, bars and dance clubs. There may be one in your community or in a nearby city. You can find these night spots by doing a Google search such as “gay bars in [your city].” Once you find a night spot that looks interesting do a little research. Do they have a website? If so, do they list any special functions or nights specifically for women? Do they have a photo gallery? If so, you can look to see what kind of clientele they cater to. If all else fails you should just call them and ask if there are many women who frequent their business. You’ll find virtually all employees and business owners to be very courteous and helpful. They want your business. Here is the word of caution that you’ve been waiting for. Beware of drug users, hardcore alcoholics and undesirable people. I think it’s best to meet people at nightclubs but never (ever) to go home with them. Get a phone number or e-mail and get to know each other first. Common sense caution must be exercised, especially when you meet someone at a bar.
Community Social Groups: There are many community social groups for lesbian and bisexual women. Again, head on over to Google and do a search for lesbian groups in your community. Try a few different searches including your city and words such as gay, lesbian, clubs, social group, etc. A little detective work might just locate a great group of local women who get together for social events.
Online Social Groups: There are many online social groups for lesbian and bisexual women. Some are geographic in nature and others are nationwide or worldwide. Lesbian Flirts is an example of a worldwide online social group. I recommend that you do your research at Google to locate online lesbian groups of interest to you. You’ll find all sorts — bisexual women, lesbians only, butch – femme, lesbian BDSM and more. Join the groups that interest you and post an introduction if it is appropriate to do so. Be sure to include a recent photo of yourself if possible. Make yourself sound interesting. Take a little time and fill out your profile completely, and include interesting information to make you stand out a bit from the crowd. Join in any online discussions or chat rooms and get acquainted with the other members. You never know who you’ll meet or what you’ll learn. This can be a fun way to meet other women and also to learn more if you’re a newbie to the LGBT community.
LGBT personals are one effective way to broaden your search to find your perfect female lover. Social Networking Sites: These are online sites such as Myspace.com, Facebook.com, Tagged.com, LesbianFlirts.com and Twitter.com (there are others) where you can create a personal profile, search for others and network with each other based on such things as sexual preferences, geographic location, and hobbies. You will find some overlap in some online social groups and social networking sites, particularly when you start searching specifically for lesbian or bisexual social sites. Again, be sure to fill out a profile, include some recent photos of yourself and make yourself sound interesting. Take the time to learn how the sites work and send out messages to anyone that interests you. Engage in a little conversation and see where it takes you.
Message Forums: Message forums aren’t necessarily the same as social networking sites, although they share some similarities. Message forums offer a great way to start or join in active online discussions about a wide variety of topics. Many social networks have their own message forums. Other sites exist primarily as a message forum. This can be a great way to learn more about the lesbian experience. You can ask questions and share in the discussions that interest you most. While message forums aren’t usually specifically designed to facilitate introductions, it is possible to meet others in your area.
Dating Sites: It used to be kind of weird or creepy to meet people online, although the gay and lesbian community was among the very first to embrace online dating. It makes sense because we can’t always meet lesbian or bisexual women at the supermarket. Some women can… I don’t understand it, but I can’t and most women probably don’t feel comfortable trying to pick up another woman at the market. Many of us are shy about going to the nightclubs or joining groups so online lesbian dating sites may make sense. Besides, anybody you meet there has already indicated an interest in lesbian dating. It can be a perfect way to meet other lesbian and bisexual women. So here’s the reality; You absolutely must include a recent photo and a decent personal profile. You’ll be competing with other profiles. You don’t have to be drop dead gorgeous but you do have to present yourself in a positive way. The headline you write may be the single most important part of your personal ad, besides your photo. Make it interesting or humorous or thought provoking. Be positive in your profile. List activities you enjoy. Talk about something that makes you interesting such as your participation in martial arts classes, your love of Siberian Huskies or anything else to show a glimpse into your world. You aren’t likely to meet Ms. Right the first day or even the first week. In fact, it is more likely that you’ll need to join more than one lesbian dating site and remain a member for several months, but it only takes that one time for the right person to stumble upon your profile and the love connection is well on its way!
Match.com Lesbian Dating offers a free membership and perhaps the largest W4W personals selection of any of the mainstream dating sites. They offer a free basic membership. Try the free membership and browse the photo profiles to find local women. Chat online and exchange messages until you feel comfortable enough to arrange a real time date.
LGBT Organizations: There are quite a number of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender organizations. Many are community based to advocate for and promote positive social experiences for the local LGBT community. Some will have their own buildings or facilities and host get togethers. Others will operate mostly online or will meet at a specified location. A Google search along with a review of www.glbtnationalhelpcenter.org will help you locate any LGBT organizations in your area. If you don’t find anything in your community be sure to check in surrounding cities. Not only will you find social activities at the community centers, but you will find a listing of all other local lesbian and bisexual activities, events, groups and businesses in the area.
Meet women seeking women online and in the real world! Churches: Yes, there are plenty of LGBT friendly churches, usually known as welcoming congregations. Many will have a statement that they welcome LGBT people on their website or in their church publications. Metropolitan Community Churches www.mccchurch.org specifically cater to the LGBT community while the Unitarian Universalist churches www.uua.org usually are welcoming. Many other denominations are welcoming congregations as well including Quakers, Methodists, Presbyterians and others. Google searches will be helpful to locate welcoming congregations in your area.
Gay Pride Events: Most large and many medium and small cities now hold yearly gay pride events. This is a great way to get out among your own kind and mingle. You will find vendors and booths set up with merchandise and a wealth of information about the local area LGBT community resources. You will have the opportunity to meet many local people who don’t often go out to the bars or nightclubs. It’s a great way to meet a wide variety of lesbian and bisexual women, from those who are totally out to those who are very private or closeted the rest of the year. Do a little research because the fun doesn’t end when the gates at the Pride Event close. Many local LGBT people head for the nightclubs or other LGBT venues to party the night away.
Lesbian Activity Groups: Lesbians tend to be a fairly active bunch. We love motorcycling, poker, scuba diving, book clubs, hiking, dancing, dogs, kayaking and sports, just to name a few activities you’ll frequently see listed in lesbian profiles. Search out lesbian activity groups in your area. If none exist, why not start your own. It doesn’t have to involve a great deal of work or planning. Just start inviting friends to join you occasionally to enjoy your favorite activities together. Maybe you can make it a potluck event and have different hosts each time. See how it goes and you may find that your first group of friends invites their friends and the group grows into a thriving activity group.
Dogs: Lesbians love dogs. I don’t know — maybe it’s genetic. If all else fails check out your local dog park, the Humane Society, pet stores and grooming shops. You’re sure to find some lesbians. If you have a dog you’ll already have something in common. If not, you can always fawn all over their dog. We all love talking about our dogs and we tend to like people who like our dogs.
Sports Activities: Lesbians love sports. We love playing and watching. Show me a women’s softball team and I’ll find you some lesbians! It’s kind of stereotyped but true. Lesbians love softball and other organized sports activities. You may also find lesbian women playing in women’s football leagues and other organized team activities. In addition, lesbians love to watch sports including women’s professional basketball and football. In fact, why not invite your lesbian and bisexual friends to go out to a sporting event or get together your own sports activities with the girls. Just play it safe so nobody gets hurt out there.
Gay Business Directories: Many cities have an organized LGBT business directory that is online, printed, or both. Many of us feel a little more comfortable knowing we’re dealing with businesses that understand us, so LGBT business directories are a common way to get the word out and promote our own businesses. Often you’ll find LGBT coffee shops, restaurants, nightclubs and other businesses that will provide an opportunity to socialize with other lesbian or bisexual women.
Online Directories: As you search in Google you’re likely to find results listed in online directories such as Dmoz.org or Yahoo.com. Take a moment to search these directories to see if you can locate local lesbian groups or activities. The directories will often be searchable or categorized by geographic location or special interests.
Getting involved in social activities is a great way to meet women. You never know where you’ll meet your dream lover! LGBT Publications: Many cities have local area gay newspapers, magazines or E-zines. These will offer a wealth of information about the local LGBT scene along with references to social groups, activities, events and businesses. You can often get a feel for the political climate of the area and learn hot spots for lesbian activities. A quick Google search will frequently locate LGBT publications in your area.
Political Action Groups: LGBT political action groups have become increasingly public over the past decade or so. Examples of political action groups include The Human Rights Committee (www.hrc.org), The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force (www.thetaskforce.org) and Log Cabin Republicans (www.logcabin.org). There are many others on a national and local level. These groups advocate for LGBT rights and legislative actions in support of our communities. They usually have education and community outreach programs. These groups will welcome your participation if you feel so inclined. That might be a great way to meet local LGBT community members.
LGBT Professional or Educational Organizations: There are many professional and educational organizations to support the LGBT community. You might be surprised if you go to Google and type in a search for “LGBT legal professionals,” “LGBT education associations” or “LGBT law enforcement.” Many universities, colleges and even high schools have LGBT safe zones and/or organizations.
Online Groups and Mailing Lists: There are many online groups and mailing lists that cater to specific cities or geographic locations. Many of these groups and mailing lists are on Yahoo, so you should probably try a Yahoo search to find them. Here is an example of the many local groups and mailing lists for the Los Angeles area when one searches for “lesbian groups in Los Angeles.” Often, these groups or mailing lists will announce get togethers and social activities. It seems coffee shop meetings are a favored social activity. That’s a great way to meet women to socialize in a safe, non-threatening environment where you’re able to engage in discussions and personal conversations.
Networking with Friends: One of the best ways to meet local lesbian and bisexual women is through your friends. If you don’t have any such women friends, it’s time you met some! Even one friend can open a whole new world for you. They are likely to have lesbian and bisexual friends and they can introduce you. Those friends can introduce you to their friends, and so your social circle expands. You just never know when or where you’re going to meet “the one.” Friends are likely not only to introduce you to new friends, but also to new lesbian activities where you’ll have the opportunity to meet even more women from your area.
This list should help give you some ideas to start your search for lesbian and bisexual women in your area. I recommend that you do your research, be patient and have fun with the process. I truly believe there is someone for everyone. I like the idea of helping others meet friends who can enrich their lives. Maybe you’ll even meet your soul mate in the process. I encourage you to leave a comment to let me know if you find this helpful and especially if you have a good technique for meeting lesbian or bisexual women that I haven’t covered.
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